So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
