Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
