sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
