Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
