The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
