I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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