just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
