once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
