Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
