once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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