you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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