My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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