The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
