I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
