god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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