i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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