Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
