honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
