I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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