people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
