i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
