well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
