i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
