I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
