we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
