I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
