wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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