dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
