I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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