My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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