Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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