Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
