Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
