people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
