its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
