College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
