I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
