Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
