Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
