yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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