chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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