Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
