Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
