every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
