We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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