If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
