So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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