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Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
