Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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