his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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