I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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