I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
